The Hero In My Life

Tuesday, August 27, 2013 / 8:02 AM

Failure.

My heading is such a negative word. Haha. But today, I felt like a total failure. About two weeks ago, I made a decision to plan the Teacher's Day celebration for my class. Having experiences with planning events, I knew I needed a team. A team to help me. Because one can't achieve much and Together Everyone Achieve More. Haha. So I gathered a few people to form the committee. I assigned all of them jobs to do and today, the ones in charge of the Video thingy came up to me and said that we don't have enough time. I asked them, 'So what are you planning to do?' And instead, they asked me the same question adding that I was the in charge. I'm not saying that they are doing a horrible job, in fact I trust them in doing a good job but I just can't ignore the fact that because I was the in charge, I had to do everything. I mean, I assigned you guys jobs for a reason. That's because I can't do everything alone. I can help but it's kinda impossible for me to plan EVERYTHING right ? That's why I needed all the help I could get.

So in the end, they came up with a solution and I'm really glad they did. It was rather assuring to hear the plan they had. But during the process of thinking of a solution, something happened. And that kinda demoralized me and made me felt like a failure. I was with the two girls in charge of the video thingy when you came. You cruelly told me that I was the in charge and I should be doing it too. The most frustrating thing is that I'm the one planning for the whole of the 2 hours of Home Period and I told my committee that I wanted to involve everyone, including the committee, into the activities I'm planning since it's our last year. I remember clearly telling them one of the many activities that I'm planning to give them a heads up on what's happening, since they're part of the committee. They nodded their head and I gave them other jobs such as planning for the video taking or being in charge of the food. So I was alone, planning two hours worth of activities. I wanted to put this 'burden' on my shoulder because I wanted to plan one last event and also plan for the whole class without involving anyone planning so that they can have fun. And so, you told me that I should at least tell my committee what I'm planning for the actual day. I was like, 'I told them already what!' AND DAMN. One of them said I never tell them anything. I was shocked and I said that I did tell them the plan! I explained that we were outside the class the other day and I told them one of the activities and also said that I would be planning the rest. Then she replied, 'Only like that!' I mean, what else do you want me to say ?! It was supposed to be a surprise for you guys, god damn it! What's worse is that you then asked me, 'Then you're the only game master?!' I answered, 'Ya! Then how many do I need?' And you rolled your eyes and turn your back on me and walked away. JUST LIKE THAT. WALKED AWAY WITHOUT SAYING A WORD. WTF MAN -.- Do you even know how fucking demoralizing that is? It shows how much you don't trust me. It shows that even my best friend can't even trust me. It shows that you thinks that I'm just a fucking failure that can't even host a game. It shows how much I suck and I can't seem to do anything right, can I? I always tell people to cheer up and look at the brighter side of life and all those bullshit. I mean, I still believe in them but don't you think it's a bit cruel to do that?

I totally had no mood for lessons. Even got scolded by Mdm Sue during Eng lesson. Well, I forced myself to concentrate, using O levels for motivation. And as the day progress, we never talked. Not even once. I remember calling your name so many times and you ignored. A second later, someone called you and you replied immediately. Wow. That's totally not hurting my feelings at all. It wasn't the first time this happened. There's countless of times when we had unnecessary arguments. Stupid ones. you know, I even wondered if 'best friends' is the right status for us.

I'm a HUGE believer of being positive (literally huge). So I ain't gonna let my EMO side take over my CHEERFUL side. Look on the bright side. There's PE tomorrow! :D I cross my finger and really hope that Teachers' Day would be successful. I just want to see the smile of the faces of my classmates and teachers. That's really enough to prove that I did it. I actually take this as a test to prove whether I'm capable to entertain people because that's one of the qualities needed to be a DJ. Haha. See ya soon! (: